Weaponized Incompetence Isn’t Just About Chores: The Emotional Labor Connection
When we talk about weaponized incompetence, we often think of dishes, laundry, or childcare. But it can also apply to emotional labor—the invisible work of managing feelings, relationships, and social tasks.
Examples of Emotional Labor:
- Remembering birthdays and sending gifts
- Keeping track of family appointments
- Soothing conflicts and maintaining harmony
In some relationships, one partner becomes the “default” emotional manager. If the other partner consistently says, “I didn’t know you wanted me to do that” or “I’m not good at emotional stuff,” it leaves the emotional heavy lifting to one person.
Why This Matters Relationships thrive on mutual effort. When one person does all the emotional tending, they may begin to feel unseen or unsupported. It can lead to burnout and detachment.
For Long-Term Couples Talk about the emotional work. Make it visible. Share the mental load. Say things like, “Can you take the lead on planning your family’s holiday gifts this year?” Or, “I’d love if you checked in on our friend who’s going through a tough time.”
For Singles This concept matters even when dating. Pay attention to early signs: does the person avoid planning dates, leave all emotional check-ins to you, or opt out of deeper conversations with the excuse, “I’m just not good at that”? That could be a red flag worth exploring.